Do you sometimes feel a burst of machismo around wienerschnitzel? Do you find yourself savoring an unusual attraction to very long cars? Do you think your micro penis is the itsy-bitsyest in all of Brooklyn? Then Kings County Bar wants you to sign up for their first annual Smallest Penis in Brooklyn pageant! It's the ultimate wet t-shirt contest for infinitesimal penises.
The winner will receive the coveted title of 2013 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn, a crown, and a generous cash donation to the charity of his choice (which they note can be "self"). For information on entering the contest, you can email SPB.firstname.lastname@example.org.